Testimony of The Father’s Love

This is my testimony of an awesome release and healing that God brought to me during a session of The Father Loves You conference at St Luke‚s Clovelly in May 2001. The conference ministers were Maxine Davies and Shelley Fortier of the Harvest Team from the Toronto Airport Christian Fellowship.

During the beginning of the ministry time, Maxine asked us to consider how we felt about our Heavenly Father. I suddenly realised that I felt nothing at all! I knew in my mind that I should feel angry with God and that sometimes I felt afraid to approach Him. I also felt a bit guilty that I did not feel overwhelming love for Him, however the Holy Spirit showed me that I did not really know how I felt about my Heavenly Father.

I couldn't seem to move forward to receive prayer, so I sat and asked God, "Why do I feel nothing for you?". God showed me a picture of an event that occurred shortly after my father and mother separated when I was twelve. My father was loving and fun and very proud of me and my brother, but he was also an alcoholic and had become prone to frequent violent, drunken assaults on my mother. I helped my mother as much as I could, hiding kitchen knives or locking her in my bedroom when my father was drunk.

The memory that God showed me was from shortly after my father had moved out from our home. My father had arrived at the front door one evening, very drunk and was knocking and making loud abusive threats. My mother and I had realised that it would be only a matter of time before he tried his keys in the lock, which had not been changed and so I had moved furniture to barricade the door. In the picture that God showed me, I was standing not too far from the front door, with my back turned to my father as he tried to push his way in through the barricade which held firm. I was very proud of that barricade.

God showed me that as my father knocked and pushed and screamed I made a decision, an inner vow, that I would not allow my emotions to be hurt by this situation. At that point I had chosen to shut myself down emotionally. (Years later at my high school graduation, my high school year master was shocked to learn that my parents had divorced at the beginning of high school and told my mother that I never displayed any of the normal emotional symptoms displayed by children of divorced parents)

At this point a member of the prayer ministry team came and sat beside me and began to pray quietly. He said,"I see a picture of Jesus knocking at a door and inviting you to open the door and let Him in." Amazed, I shared my memory with the prayer ministry member who invited me to remove the barricade in front of the door and open it. I was very scared about doing this, but I realised that this would unlock my feelings about my Heavenly Father and open the door‚ for healing. Gradually I spoke out in prayer my willingness to remove the barricade and finally to open the door. When I opened the door, It was not my father, but Jesus who stood on the other side surrounded by a brilliant golden light. I felt an immediate release as if a burden had lifted and joy at seeing Jesus.

God showed me that this was the beginning of a new journey of healing in my relationships with my father, mother and others and the beginning of a new intimacy and relationship with my Heavenly Father. I am overjoyed and excited that I am now set free to truly know more and more of my Father in Heaven. Praise God.

Jeremy Larkins
May 2001

Back to index